I can't stop

Why do I fucking feel this shit?. What is the fucking point of any of this?. I can't stop crying, and I can't think of a good fucking reason for me to cry at all. What the fuck is wrong with me?. I hate myself for feeling anything at all. Further attempts to.... Bye for now. Got reasons

I forget what to remember

I am really tired. I've been up for about two days. I have an incredible tooth pain that is throbbing the whole right side of my face. I don't like it. I am not on friendly terms with it at all. It is angering me. Further attempts to.... Bye for now. Got dentistry. I miss seeing you around sometimes. I wonder why you don't look at me anymore also. I miss seeing your face also. Eh. See you one day.

y

I don't know what to say about my thoughts. Further attempts to.... Bye for now. Got ____ sight.

it is upon me

The day is drawing near. It seems like forever I've been waiting for it. Now I am somewhat reluctant to just run off and do it, but I realize that it is something I must do. I can't maintain this mask of happiness and continue to live like this life is okay. I need to go and be something else for awhile. Changing isn't always easy, but I do it fairly well. I am good at adaption and change. As long as I keep myself I am fine with whatever becomes. Three days and I will become something new again. Maybe it is in an old place, but it is something new all the same. I will no longer be here in this decaying place of the waiting to die. This place is a retirement function, a place where people go to be content and fade into the ending. This is not for me. I am ready to live again. Friday I will become again. I will no longer be strapped to this meaningless existence and held by these chains. I have already became what I will become. It's starts in here with my thoughts and then expands into the outside reality that is our lives. You can't be anything if you don't do anything. Do the words. Further attempts to.... Bye for now. Got life.

Its

Five days to go till the move if I don't change my mind. I am ready to go but I don't really want to stay with my brothers kid. I will probably go but its not ideal to me that his son has just moved in. Laying in the sun is ridiculous if you are alone. I don't understand how people do it. Also it felt like it was cooking me. Tomorrow I will go swimming somewhere and play basketball, that will get me a tan and actually not bore me. It's too bad I don't have 11 people or so and a soccer ball. It would be nice to enjoy a game of soccer since there is no world cup tomorrow. I can't be happy about their schedule either way. It angers me that they only play two games a day, but then it angers me because it's over so quick. Luckily there is the internet and soccer is always going on somewhere. What happens when an elephant takes acid? I never wondered that at all till I saw that it was the name of a book. I think it would be cruel to ingest animals with acid. At least with human beings (with all their mental faculties in good shape) they can deduce that they have taken drugs. I like cake. Further attempts to.... Bye for now. Got cake.

When the sun shines

I feel better on days when the sun is out. It's gloomy today. No rain but no sun either. I am thinking it's going to be a drinking day. I haven't drank really in a few weeks. I've felt better but not like i was quitting something, just not doing it. I haven't heard from her in awhile and we have stopped playing games it seems. I guess it's safe to say I was completely wrong about her views towards me in general. It happens I am often wrong. More wronger than righter probably, though that's hard for anyone to get me to admit. I am good at arguing when I get the urge or desire to do so. So it's not often that I will concede to someone elses view or point. Even now I am not conceding to anyone other than my own head. I can admit to myself that I am wrong a lot easier than I will admit to someone else that I am. Oh well fuck it. It doesn't matter. I am good at being a dick after I get to know someone so that is probably exactly what happened in this case. I know it is at least on a couple of occasions. But I am also good at backing off, which I think I have done pretty good in this situation as well. I would assume that if she wanted to talk to me at all she would message me or start a game. She hasn't so I haven't. Anyway, I am just babbling, trying to fill this screen with words and make this at least something worth posting. In any case it won't be, but still more is better than less, and since my main goal is to waste peoples time with this, if anyone reads it my goal will be accomplished. Soon I will have things truly worthy of sharing, till those words come, reading this will be hit and miss and more than likely miss. Further attempts to waste your time to come. Bye for now. Got minutes.