Into the fog

I think I'm having my mid life crisis now. Not for any particular reason other than the fact I'm feeling self conscious all the time and clinging to people wondering what people think about me. These things I gave up on a long time ago. I haven't felt the need to have people in my life for a long time, but lately it's creeping back in. I don't like it and I don't know why. Why should I care what anyone thinks or whether or not they want to talk to me. If i'm not worth conversation then fuck it. I know who and what I am. Most days it's good enough for me to know myself. I need to get back to everyday being like that. There are dark clouds outside, it looks like rain. I hope it happens it's too fucking hot. I don't know how I'm going to survive virginia when I go back if I am having trouble with the weather here. Fuck I am sick of this crap. Emotions are lame and a flawed function of the human brain. Further attempts to.... Bye for now. Got sedatives.