There is

There is a lot I want to say to you. I feel like it would be pestering or something though. Do you feel like you have to or should keep me at a distance somewhat? You don't have to if you feel like you do based on my feelings. I have given over to the fact that you and me feel differently. My desire to talk to you isn't based on trying to sway your opinion to anything other than how you feel already. I just like talking to you, or did when we actually spoke for more than two sentences here and there. I'm sure there are some people you have an actual conversation with from time to time in which you talk about yourself and what you are thinking. I just wonder how things went so bad in our friendship that we seemed to have. I don't really wonder that much. The words I love you probably did it a good bit of damage. Still, we carried on talking a good bit after that. I thought you enjoyed our conversations and the games and well just hanging out with me, to the degree you could call it hanging out obviously. Do you despise me now? I get the idea that talking to me now even for a few minutes makes you gag or something. You couldn't wait to get away yesterday, and the mention of  " the person I wanted to talk to isn't here " were another good sign that I was one of those people you used to tell me about. The ones you didn't want to be online in facebook for. Which was why you went to skype or at minimum why we talked through just messages often. Have I become one of those people? This seems unhealthy to you I'm sure. The fact that even after you have completely changed the whole scope of our whatever, I am still writing a blog to you. It's not though. I am not holding on to what you think I'm holding on to. No dreams of you changing your mind, or fantasies about meeting. I know you have no intention of doing either and I am fine about that. It would just be nice to talk sometime again like we aren't people who run into each other by accident. We may have just had numerous hours of idle chit chat, but it seemed like we enjoyed it more than that. Maybe I'm wrong. You will never converse with me about this so how can I do anything but continue to wonder. I am not a freak but I am sort of analytical ( it says it isn't a word but it works for me ) which you have to know I am. Anyway talk to me sometime if you don't think of me as a disease. I promise I won't propose to you. Ever. Further attempts to.... Bye for now. Got carrots.