I am blank.

I don't know what to do. It's clear that staying here will be hard on me. But I don't know how bad leaving will be for the kids. It could be that I'm having a mild ego moment. I think this is more than me though. I don't pretend to be a great father or know everything about raising kids, but as I come closer to leaving, tension is rising. I don't know why exactly, so I can only place me leaving as the overall cause. Fuck. I hate being a dad sometimes. I love my kids, but decisions are hard to make sometimes. It's a struggle for me to be here, not that it won't be somewhere else also. I hate not having answers to big questions. No one can supply them either. In the end I'll have to make a choice and it will either turn out good or bad for everyone involved. I hate not having anyone to talk to other than these blogs. I don't like laying my shit on others at all really. But sometimes it would be nice to have someone who wants to listen and doesn't mind. Someone who won't necessarily call me a whiner since essentially that is what I'm doing. As I said there is no answer. So whoever I would or could talk to would just have to listen to me basically cry. Anyway fuck it. I don't know what to do or what I am going to do. I feel like I should stay at least until school starts but I'm supposed to be leaving on the 7th of this month. Further attempts to.... Bye for now. Got wonder